Positive Parenting in Sports by Former Major Leaguer Jack Perconte

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Strengthening Programs for Kids
Every athlete and their coach wants them to be bigger, stronger and faster. With this in mind, youth coaches should incorporate some sport-specific strengthening exercises in youth practices. Even as little as 5 minutes of practice and even for kids as young as 7 or 8 years old, youth coaches can have players  perform some easy strength exercises that will complement that sport. This emphasis during practice will also serve to express the importance of overall conditioning and strength to kids and parents, alike. In this day of over-weight kids coaches can start to make an impact beyond the normal exercise that each sport provides.

4 Things to Try When Players Want to Quit a Sport – Effective Parenting
It is never good to force young athletes to continue playing a sport when they feel as though they don’t want to or for them to continue only because you, the parent, wants them to continue. However, it never hurts to try a few last ditch effective parenting efforts to see if their decision will change.
1. See if they might attend an offseason, quality camp – a good program will stress instruction and fun, which are the keys for youth sports.
2. Look for a great, respected coach in the area – this can revitalize a players interest.
3. Tell young player to wait till the following season to decide – time away often allows kids the opportunity to realize that they will miss playing.
4. See if athlete is willing to work with a professional coach for a spell before the next season. Knowledge learned along with confidence gained can turn attitude around. Good fundamental coaches should provide this knowledge and confidence.

Keeping Sports in Perspective

“How you do and who you are, are two different things,” is another one of the lines I often say to my kids and students. When parents and coaches put so much stock in their kids sports performance kids may begin to feel like their identity is defined only by the sport. Judging a players effort is the key and not their results along with being able to “let bad games go” so kids don’t dwell on rough games too long.

Maintaining Balance in the Family
Parents should always be mindful of the effects of having an accomplished athlete in the family. Often, so much attention is given to the star athlete that other kids in the family begin to detest the situation. Making the other kids trudge around to every game and tournament can create unhappiness and negative feelings. Parents should keep balance in their treatment of all family members and not devote all their time and attention to the star athlete. Missing games from time to time and doing things with other kids is important.

Keeping an Even Keel
Athletes need to have short memories because failure is a huge part of sports. Kids that are hard on themselves at a young age often will not survive sports as they reach more advanced levels. It is important that parents and coaches try to keep players on as even a keel as possible when young. Learning to treat every performance separate from the previous one and learning to handle adversity are keys to long term playing careers.

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Positive Role Model
Now I know why my mom always told me to smile when I was on a sports playing field. When Armando Gallaraga made that great  smile after losing his perfect game to a bad umpire call, his smile (instead of the usual player tirade in that type situation) was one of the greatest displays of sportsmanship I have ever seen. Ultimately, it is only a game and that smile was brilliant and a great lesson that I hope parents passed on to youth athletes. Now there is a positive role model.

Heat or Ice for Sports Injury
I often get asked weather it is best to apply heat or ice to a sports injury. Although I am not a doctor, I believe the correct answer is that ice should be applied immediately to a sports injury until all swelling has disappeared (usually 2 to 3 days). After that heat or a combination of heat and ice should be applied. Checking with a sports trainer immediately after a sports injury is always advised, as well as the proper amount of rest until all pain subsides.

Sports Coaching Patience
It does not take a genius to realize that coaches must display patience when coaching youth athletes. Having patience is often easier said than done though, especially when you are patient and explain clearly what the youth athlete needs to do to be successful. However, coaches and sport parents should understand the following about sports skills: 1. Doing them correctly are not that easy and takes years to perfect, if ever 2. All youth athletes have limitations, physical and sometime mental, to what they can do. Adults should not expect things that athletes are not physically and or mentally capable of at their particular age.

“Sports  don’t build character, they reveal it,” is a famous statement the could be debated for ever I am sure. I would like to amend it to “Sports reveal the character that their parents taught them,” which, I guess, is about the same thing but explains the importance of positive parenting in sports – which will be revealed on our playing fields.

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Definition of Success
From a young age, parents should define success to kids as working hard and doing one’s best, period. Win or lose, good performance or bad, when athletes work hard and do their best, they should be made to feel they are a success.

Sport Parents Tip – Stay Alert
Of course, it is not good for parents to become over involved in their kids sports career to the point where they ruin the fun for their kid. However, parents of kids under the age of 12, should remain observant of the things that their coaches are teaching their young athletes. Parents, who gain an understanding of the correct way to perform athletic skills, can be a help to their sons and daughters when practicing with them or when analyzing their performance.  Positive reinforcement of the techniques, said in a non-threatening way to kids can be a great help when their coaches are not around. With this thought, parents should stay attentive to what “good, respected coaches are teaching their kids and then reinforce those things in the future. Parents should ask coaches for clarification of the things they don’t understand – if parents are attending their child’s game or practice anyway, they may as wall treat it as a learning experience. As has been said, “A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.”

Sportsmanship
Part of learning to be a good sport is learning to be accepting of other players’ inadequacies. It is very common for better players to get upset when their teammates make mistakes. Getting upset is natural but displaying this unhappiness should never be allowed by sport parents and coaches. Good positive coaches watch for player’s reactions and should be on the lookout for situations where other players “show up” a teammate after a bad play. Additionally, parents in the stands are sometimes guilty of doing the same thing and this should also not be allowed. Good positive coaches should address this situation in a diplomatic way with players and parents when this negative situation occurs.

Knowing When to Shift Gears
Good youth coaches are very observant and the second they observe boredom setting in with players they are prepared to shift gears with a new drill or practice routine. Generally, there are three signs that they are becoming bored: 1. When kids begin to look around 2. screw around  3. get lazy with their actions. When a coach sees any of these signs it is good to be prepared to switch to doing something else. Of course, learning ways to make doing the same actions “fun” is a way of staying with the same routine. Spicing the same drills up with a little competition can take the boredom out and keep players working on the necessary skills.

Expect Success
Recently, I wrote that coaches (parents) cannot give athletes confidence because youth athletes can only attain it on their own. That is not meant to say that adults cannot help players find confidence. Some measure of athletic success is usually necessary for an athlete to gain confidence and athletes must be ready mentally to have that success. A common statement I say to my students are, “Expect success.”  This positive statement helps  youth athletes get beyond the “hoping for success” stage into the “expecting to do well” mentality, which is necessary to becoming confident athletes.

Optimism
In my last post I mentioned that one cannot simply give young athletes confidence but they can give them hope. In my book Raising an Athlete I write a great deal about how athletes confidence comes and goes but good coaches are continually trying to develop optimistic kids. Good coaches and parents have a knack for keeping sports success and failure in perspective so that, whether kids have success or not, they feel good about themselves. Parents and coaches can achieve this optimistic attitude by stressing effort over results, and keeping expectations realistic. “You will get em next time” is one of the best things a coach can say to a young player.

The Power of Hope

Confidence is great and so valuable in sports. Unfortunately, confidence comes and goes. Additionally, confidence isn’t something that someone else can just give an athlete, they pretty much gain it or lose it from time to time on their own. Hope, however is something that someone can give a player, especially when their confidence is waning. Parents and coaches should continually give players hope with words of encouragement and most importantly through some well-founded fundamental tip. Giving players an educated fundamental tip provides players hope that if they try the suggested tip, they will have athletic success. Sometimes, the tip may be the solution, but most important, the player will have renewed hope, however fleeting, that athletic success can be achieved.

3 Things My Sports Coaching Experiences Have Taught Me
It astounds me when parents bring their kids into see me and say “It’s all in their head,” as to why they are not performing well. I have found this is rarely the case.
1. Every day a player spends reinforcing bad habits, makes it that much more difficult to change to good habits. 2. Learning and practicing the correct fundamentals as soon as possible will pay off, if not immediately, then definitely with the increased level of fundamentals at the start of the following season. 3. The money parents spend to help improve a players fundamentals is usually well worth it, as long as it is spent with a well respected, knowledgeable coach.

Fun Sports Practice Ideas
Sometimes the season starts to drag for players and coaches. For coaches or parents looking for a couple of fun sports practice ideas for your team they can try the following. 1. Let the players (team) design a practice but telling them it can’t be just playing the game. 2. Have an autograph day where each kid brings some sports pictures of themselves and pens, and parents, family members and teammates sign autographs before and after the game. 3. Have a parent or two film a game or practice game and include pre-game and post-game interviews of players. On a rainy day or team party team can watch it.   

Parenting Perspective
Talking with a parent of one of my students recently when he says, “I know my kids aren’t going to be pro players but I just want to keep them out of trouble.” That is true for 99% of young athletes – they are not going to be pro athletes – but there are so many great things that youth sports can provide kids  - camaraderie, teamwork, sportsmanship, work ethic – just to name a very few things. And maybe most important – playing sports can occupy kids time, which is no small matter in this day and age. So many other influences can occur when kids have too much time on their hands. 

Parents and coaches often tell kids to go out there and prove yourself or to prove to the coach that you should be playing more, etc… These statements can be used as good motivators from time to time but often they set players up for greater disappointment when they do not have good games. It is always better to tell kids to go out there with the idea of “improving,” instead of trying to prove something.

Burnout
There are many signs of athletic burnout that parents should watch for when raising an athlete. Burnout usually occurs from one of three things. 1. Over-play – too much of one sport, games and practice combined. 2. Over-sport – trying to play too many sports at one time. 3. Over-expecting – when expectations are too high, either from others or self, players can become burned out trying to reach the unreachable. Signs to watch for – easily angered player, inattentive player, non-respectful player, very unmotivated – and these are occurring when the player never showed these tendencies before.

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• Burned Out? So Are Your Kids (well.blogs.nytimes.com)

Parents should not underestimate the influence that their child’s coach have on them There is no better motivator for a youth athlete than playing for a coach who is caring, inspiring and knowledgeable. Finding this type coach at the youth level can be difficult too and is often just the luck of the draw in leagues where players are picked in a draft type situation. As players move up the sports ladder though, parents can look for these type coaches at the travel and high school levels. Finding theses coaches can be well worth the effort though, even if that means moving to a better school, because a great coach can be a positive influence for the rest of their kids lives.

What to Say During Games
I see it happen all the time – a kid goes up to bat and his coach starts yelling to do this (“swing level,” i.e.) and the player’s parents are saying to do that (“keep your hands up,” i.e.) and then the hitter lets pitches go by that are right down the middle.  The coach and parents both sigh with disbelief thinking “why didn’t he swing at that.” Little do they realize that the batter didn’t swing because he was thinking about how he was going to keep his hands up and swing level. The point is that giving mechanical instructions during games takes concentration away from what is important, timing the ball in this instance. Coaches and parents should just give words of encouragement during games and leave the mechanical tips for practice. This gives players the chance to give their ultimate concentration to the things that are important to succeed. When success doesn’t come, it’s back to the drawing board (practice) for the mechanical adjustments.

Rewards for Winning
I am not a fan of rewarding teams or individuals when they win or play well. Adults often do this by promising to go to a certain restaurant or buy the players a certain something when they win or perform well.  It often seemed like kids ended up playing more for the reward and not for the fun of the game and for winning itself. It also set the players up for more disappointment when they did not perform well and put parents in a bad spot of denying things to kids. However, I do like the practice of rewarding playerss with a little reward for a great effort level, win or lose.

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I remember reading this saying somewhere and have never forgotten it, “Scoreboard begins with letter S, but so does Sportsmanship.” The point is that who wins and loses is somewhat important but the feelings associated with them goes away quickly. The feeling one gets when applying good sportsmanship is a way of life and never goes away.